Hey there, Professor! What are we doing today? Time travel? Mission to Mars? Cleaning the gunk off your bathroom tiles?
Today we’re doing something better, Donny. Much, much better. Come and take a look at this.
These are – wait, no. Sorry. Old holiday photo. *These* are white blood cells. Part of your immune system. They keep you from keeling over every time you sneeze.
But these ugly twerps are leukaemic white blood cells. Blood cancer infects your cells, Donny, stops them from working, makes them useless. And they take over faster than you can say haemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis.
That doesn’t sound good, Professor.
Because it’s not. You know what your immune system is really good for, Donny? Staying alive. Blood cancer tries to get in the way of that.
And that’s why we’re going to get inside the Diminiship, shrink ourselves down to a cellular level, and cure us some blood cancer. Here – hold that. And don’t touch anything, OK?
Professor, what are you talking about? Everyone knows there’s no cure for cancer.
Donny, with the right science, a dose of inspiration, and a hefty amount of research, anything is possible. Like, for example, a cure for blood cancer. C’mon – I’ll show you what I mean.
The important, lifesaving questions
Well, that ain't true.
Nine times out of 10, your stem cells are collected through the blood. It's a simple outpatient procedure - unsurprisingly enough, pretty similar to giving blood. You just sit for about four hours while a machine withdraws blood from one arm, separates the stem cells, and then returns the blood through the other arm. Just think of yourself as a lifesaving juicer.
In 10% of cases, the stem cells are taken from the bone marrow in the hip; this is done under general anaesthetic, so there isn't any pain. (You probably will feel sore afterwards. But, you know, you just saved a life.)
I mean, you could be right there. Maybe.
Except we do have a bunch of testimonials from people who say, 'Actually, it's completely the opposite.' Read some of their amazing stories here.